One last garage sale and the end of Summer School

Saturday was the last garage sale before I head on the road to visit family and friends. The big stuff went, and that is what I was most worried about. It did take 3 trips to Good Will after the sale was over and that, I must say, was very traumatic. I have a lot of commitment issues, I am well aware, but the one thing I have always had is MY STUFF. The stuff I have chosen to surround myself with has been with me my whole life. So, to let it go, even for a price, but even more so for free, left me feeling very open and vulnerable.That is a bad place to be when you have issues. I cried at dinner and called my mom. She made a good point that has been said before that you must first lose yourself before you can really find yourself. Maybe this experience will allow me to overcome my issues and become a "normal" human? Three days later, I have forgotten what I had and why I needed it. Today was the last day of summer school so I am fully focused on packing my car and hitting the road for what I am calculating may be a 21 day road trip. This is the adventure I have always dreamed about. Having nothing to my name; no bills, no commitment, no adult responsibilities. For some reason, I am having nightmares about everything now. It is not quite the good time I thought it would be, although, it is just the beginning so, there is a lot of time to find the fun I am looking for.

ONE-WAY

Last week I bought my one-way ticket to Egypt. I could not fall asleep after I hit the "PAY" button. Ever since then, mass amounts of adrenalin have been running through my body. As I have been selling stuff I get a little high, which gives me energy here and there. But, the one-way ticket to a foreign country has really thrown me for a loop. As I looked around my room last night I realized I have really made a dent in my packing. Tonight I shredded two big boxes of paper; bills, pay checks, and bank statements, from at least six years. I have really prided myself in the fact that whenever I move (once a year) I get rid of stuff, I throw stuff away, give stuff away, or sell it. So, why do I have papers from six years ago? I love spring cleaning, THIS is the ultimate. I am determined to make everything fit into two boxes. If I still have stuff that wont fit in the two boxes, it is gone. That does not include the few things I will be leaving in my brothers care. Those are things that no one will want to buy, but they are not garbage.

The Never Ending Mess

I am straight freaking out!!!! For months I have been sorting through, tossing, and orgainzing what I will take with me, and what I hope family will store. The rest I am trying to sale, or give away. I have done a ton, and yet everyday this is what I see. What is going on? How did I get here? HELP!!! What is really important? What do I need to take with me? What do I need my family to keep, in a box, in a room, taking up space?

Can I start over?

In the begining, a quick overview!

In the begining, life seemed full of endless possabilities, then I graduated high school.  Not quite sure how I made it through college but I did and that is all that matters. With a degree in Philosophy my options were more limited then I thought. Went back and got my teaching certificate because it was the easiest and fastest. Three years later I packed up all my stuff, quit my job and left the family comfort zone for what I thought would be life long love. That, like all other relationships in my life, ended as quickly as it began. I found myself in a hot, dry town with no friends, no family and no job. For two years I tried to make this place my home. I did find a job, I did start making friends, but I had not had a date in two years.  I woke up one day on the other side of the country in a tiny hotel room in the middle of winter. I went down the elevator and out the door into bttter cold. I had left 80 degree tempatures for 5 below in hopes of finding a job in a new place.  Again, not quite sure how I did it, but I was offered a job at an international school in Cairo, Egypt.